Thank You Feb 14
by flying metal child
Summary: Tallest and ZimDib fluff. Zim's very annoying, but that doesn't stop him from passing on some kissing related, Valentine's Day info in his mission reports.


**AN:** Somewhat Tallest fluff and Zim/Dib fluff for Valentine's Day Nothing more fun than fluff and OOC. Btw, I _am_ working on my other stories.

**Thank You Feb 14**

by flying metal child

Location: The Massive.

Victim: Tallest Purple.

The, uh, victimizer? Zim.

Purple sits rather stoically, slurping on the latest flavor of Irken delights, some kind of fruit thing that makes his mouth water. It's delicious! But that's beside the point. The point is, Purple is enduring Zim all by himself today, no thanks to Red, who happens to be in a very important "medical" meeting at the moment...meaning he's having an intrusive physical exam, the same one Purple had just yesterday.

So, Purple sits through Zim's rant, and if nothing else it distracts him from everyday Tallest things, like running a very, very, very, very...VERY vast Empire. He would be infinitely lonely if Red wasn't Tallest as well, and that single fact (and Zim's stupidity on occasion) kept him sane.

"...so, he's like, ALIEN! Everyday! My Tallest Purple, this matter would not be so bad if these, _humans_, weren't so stupid...and so...gushy. Gushy, with hearts!"

Purple nodded absently, a habit he had developed in response to Zim. "Uh huh" he said.

"You wouldn't believe what they do at this time of the year! The horrible meat hearts and pinks and Vally-times."

"Uh huh."

"No, wait. Valentines! I said it wrong! Anyway! The l_oooo_ve is in the air again. It is a distracting element to my mission, but it seems to infect these meaty creatures naturally, like fungus on Gir."

"Uh huh."

"So, my Tallest, would you like to hear more of the Valentines?"

"Uh huh."

"Well, they give gifts of pink things and cupcakes and they touch! Oh the touching." Zim shudders visibly for Purple, who continues to suck on his drink. "And the kissing," he adds meekly. "Why the kissing?"

"Uh huh...uh...what's kissing?" Purple asks dumbly.

"Eh? Oh, it's an earth custom...with lips. You put your lips to another's and make smacky sucking faces, and sometime they lick each other...my Tallest it is _too _disgusting to go on."

"Truly!" Purple spat. "And these, humans, they do this for what purpose?"

"To show their smelly affection, and today it is even worse, for it is Valentine's Day, the day of love."

Purple scratches his head in confusion. "So wait, you've been on earth for five years and you're just now telling us (Purple often refers to himself in the plural) about this thing?"

Zim chuckles heartily"Yes, yes...convenient isn't it?"

"Convenient? For what-"

"I don't know. Anyway, the Valentine's disease seems to have affected everyone around me, including my hated enemy Dib! He's become increasingly affectionate towards me by smiling and saying kind things." Zim pauses. "But, I'm glad Irkens don't suffer from this horrible thing, else I might reciprocate the lovey feelings to the Dib."

"You mean, you might actually like this alien?" Purple asks, somehow interested.

"No! No, I mean, he is my enemy, but he does not hate me, nor do I hate him, I think. Perhaps the best course of action would be to feign affection to gain his trust, then use him to help me conquer this world! This is an agreeable tactic, my Tallest?"

"Yeah, that sounds great Zim. Let me know how it turns out...are you done now?"

Zim's antennae perk in thought. "Why, yes I am." Zim salutes. "Invader Zim, signing off."

The screen in front of Purple goes blank. Silence. He slumps in his chair, relieved that the menace is gone. Despite his stupidity, however, Zim _did _manage to pass interesting information along, like the very strange and tall aliens that abducted him once. Red had thought it was fascinating while he had been fearful of a taller species than himself.

-

_Sometimes Red is braver than I am_, Purple thought later that day. Red came back from the exam, smiling at the positive report, and joined his co-Tallest in monitoring the Massive's course. In Red's opinion, this was respite from a hectic schedule of being Tallest. He hated Zim, as much as Purple, but whereas Purple could be distracted by almost anything, Red needed some kind of control besides being Tallest, and managing the Massive was perfect.

_To each his own_, Red supposed as he pondered an unusually quiet Purple.

"Hey," Red spoke. "I heard you got caught with Zim today." He snickered.

"Ha! It wasn't so bad, so there! He rambled like he usually does."

"So what was it this time?"

"Eh, something about an earth custom...licking lips and something about pink things."

Purple gazed out the large window, the blackness of space stretched out forever.

"Licking lips? Oh..." Red laughed and punched Purple's shoulder.

"Ow!" Purple massaged his tender arm.

"You got the human sex talk"

"Sex?"

"Yeah, where he explains how humans reproduce by being naked and doing weird things."

"Ew, no! Nothing like that! When did this happen?"

"Oh, about a year ago. You were _somewhere _and Zim caught me alone. I still feel violated."

"Well," Purple sighed, "there was no nakedness, thank goodness." Red shrugged, and Purple went silent again, though, he didn't know why he was so quiet.

"You know, Red, I was thinking. Wouldn't it be great if we could go on a vacation, but not like that one time where we were held hostage for a few days on that nice tropical planet, I mean a real vacation with sleeping and eating snacks." Red raised his antennae curiously. "We could get those famous massages on planet-whatsit?"

"I dunno."

"Yeah, that massage planet! Let's do that!"

"Purple we can't leave the Empire unattended...Hey! Why are you suddenly so nice"

"Nice! I'm always nice."

"Please," Red scoffed. "Usually you're whining, well, you're still whining, but you're being considerate for once. You never want to do anything and when you do, it's always for you."

"But this time I want _us _to have fun! Come on, the Empire will be fine. The Control Brains and the Advisors can take a week of Almighty power." Purple pouted and made his huge eyes bigger and more innocent than even the cutest Irken smeet could ever be. Red bit his lip. He really wanted to take a break too!

"I guess so," he assented softly.

"WOOO!" Purple yelled. "I'm gonna pack!" Purple floated away, very quickly, to his room to pack everything but the Irken kitchen sink. Red was left in the command chair to arrange everything, as usual, but he didn't mind. This would be as fun as hell and neither of them would have to deal with Zim for however long they would be away.

But, speaking of the devil...

"Incoming transmission." The technician rolled his eyes and sighed. "It's Zim, sir." Red shrugged.

"Put the idiot on."

"My Tallest!" Zim eyed the Massive bridge, looking for Purple. "I see you are alone, my Tallest."

"Yes."

"Eh, well, I wanted to speak with Tallest Purple again, but I guess you'll do."

"I feel flattered. What is it?" Red asked curtly.

"It's about the Valentine's Day, the holiday of love and affection, well, I was thinking it's not such a bad thing." Zim shyly looked away and then back into Red's eyes. "Could you please tell Tallest Purple that the lip touching, er, kissing, is not so bad?"

"Okay..."

Zim cleared his throat and seemingly blushed a tad greener. "I wanted to tell him so that it would be a more thorough report. That is all."

"Okay..."

"Zim signing off." The screen went blank. What Red didn't know was that very shortly after Zim's transmission to Purple, Dib, Zim's most hated of hated enemies, invaded the invader's home on a two-fold mission: one, to gather incriminating evidence to expose Zim, and two, to give the alien a big, wet kiss.

Dib accomplished part two, much to Zim's chagrin, but somehow he succumbed to the human custom before smacking Dib around in a very confused manner and throwing him out the front door. He was left with a queasy, tingling feeling in his squeedily-spooch, and he knew it was from the kiss. If he could feel this good, then why shouldn't his Tallests share in the delight of lip touching? Zim really didn't plan to kiss Dib again, but if he somehow found himself in that situation, he supposed he could allow the transgression.

_And I can still use Dib to take over this planet..._

-

Red drank sweet punch from a bendy straw, and enjoyed the warm, yellow sun of planet Resortia. This was bliss. Sitting. Doing nothing. Eating snacks. Red turned to Purple, who was lounging in a pair of black swimming shorts and beginning to show signs of sunburn.

"Hey." Red poked Purple, waking him. "Let's go inside. You're getting crispy." Purple looked down at his thin body quickly turning dark green. "I think I look pretty good."

"You won't be feeling good in a few hours. I told you to put on some sunscreen."

The two walked slowly back to their large suite overlooking vast, sugar white beaches and tourists rich enough to afford this luxury. From here, they could watch the sun set and relish the variety of salty and sweet snack foods imported from exotic vending machines.

Purple sat next to Red and they watched the sun descend slowly into the ocean's horizon The balcony was open to the darkening sky, and the evening wind was generous and comforted Purple's tender, burnt flesh.

"This is great." Purple said.

"Yep."

"I told you so," he added sleepily.

"I know. Can we drop this please?"

"Well, I told you so."

"And I said I know a thousand times! I'm admitting that you were right. This _is _fantastic!"

"Okay. Just as long as we're clear on that." Red could only roll his eyes and look at Purple, who was beginning to drift into slumber. He caught a thought in his mind, evoked by a sudden vision of Zim harassing the Massive's crew. He recalled Zim's strange message to Purple, which he had never delivered. Zim had said that lip touching, kissing, was not so bad. Ah, the kissing. Red remembered Zim's graphic lesson on human sex and it involved kissing. _Ick_.

Yet, it _would_ be a fun tactic to make Purple very, very angry.

They were both Tallests. No harm in simply putting one's lip to a fellow equal.

Purple's eyes were partly open, he seemed very relaxed. The next thing he saw and felt was his friend's mouth on his in a very innocent, but ill-intended kiss. It was soft and quick and it did not incense Purple as Red hoped it would, rather, he remained silent and finally drifted into a deep, fatigued sleep.

"Huh."

_That didn't work. _

_He's too damn tired. _

_I'll try again later. _

_It should be fun._

...end...


End file.
